Alphabet for you MOTORCYCLE Fans!

Make up your own little tune to remember it….Enjoy!

A is for Assholes, you dodge on the street.
B is for Bitches, they’re looking so sweet.
C is for Chrome, the Biker’s sunshine of life.
D is for Dancers, your M/C bro’s wife.
E is for Evo, the new special breed.
F is for Fatboy, built low for great speed.
G is for Glide, Wide, Electra and Dyna.
H is for Harley, that hot steel vagina.
I is for Iso, the pegs for your scoot.
J is for Jerk Offs, you give them your boot.
K is for K Model, bike of yesteryear.
L is for Liquor, the booze and the beer.
M is for Money, to go party in town.
N is for (K)’Nuckles, used to (k)’nock assholes down.
O is for Old Lady, who sweetens your bed.
P is for Pussy, no more need be said.
Q is for Quick, it’s how you getaway.
R is for Roadrash, let’s hope none today.
S is for Softail, the bike slung so low.
T is for Tires, they make your bike go.
U is for Up Yours, you say to some jerk.
V is for V-Twin, that rolling artwork.
W is for Wide Glide, that beefy front end.
X is for X-Ray, for when you’re on the mend.
Y is for Young Bimbos, that ride on your scoot.
Z is for Zero, like when you’re out of loot.

HERE’S TO GIRLFRIENDS!

And How True This Is:

I am only as strong as the cocktails I drink, the hair spray I use and the girlfriends I have.  Here’s to you!
Why do we only have parties for each other when one of us gets married, pregnant, has a birthday, or retires?  What would most of us do without our sisters, confidants, and shopping, lunching and traveling girlfriends?  Let’s celebrate each other for each other’s sake!
Someone will always be prettier.  Someone will always be smarter.  Their house will be bigger.  They will drive a better car.  Their children will do better in school.  And their husband will fix more things around the house.  So let it go, And love you and your circumstances.  Think about it.

The prettiest woman in the world can have hell in her heart. And the most highly favored woman on your job may be unable to have children.  And the richest woman you know, she’s got the car, the house, the clothes….might be lonely.  And the word says if “I have not Love, I am nothing.”  So, again, love you.  Love who you are.  Look in the mirror in the morning and smile and say “I am too blessed to be stressed and too anointed to be disappointed!”  “Winners make things happen.  Losers let things happen”

“To the world you might be one person, But to one person you just might be the world”.

HERE’S TO YOU MY FRIENDS!

Abortion…..

Read this whole post…It’s a smidge sad….Tears may flow, just though I would warn you… 

Month One

Mommy, I am only 8 inches long, but I have all my organs. I love the sound of
your voice. Every time I hear it, I wave my arms and legs. The sound of your
heart beat is my favorite lullaby.

Month Two

Mommy, today I learned how to suck my thumb. If you could see me, you could
definitely tell that I am a baby. I’m not big enough to survive outside my home
though. It is so nice and warm in here.

Month Three

You know what Mommy, I’m a girl !! I hope that makes you happy. I always want
you to be happy. I don’t like it when you cry. You sound so sad. It makes me sad
too, and I cry with you even though you can’t hear me.

Month Four

Mommy, my hair is starting to grow. It is very short and fine, but I will have a
lot of it. I spend a lot of my time exercising. I can turn my head and curl my
fingers and toes, and stretch my arms and legs. I am becoming quite good at it
too.

Month Five

You went to the doctor today. Mommy, he lied to you. He said that I’m not a
baby. I am a baby Mommy, your baby. I think and feel. Mommy, what’s abortion?

Month Six

I can hear that doctor again. I don’t like him. He seems cold and heartless.
Something is intruding my home. The doctor called it a needle. Mommy what is it?
It burns! Please make him stop! I can’t get away from it! Mommy!! HELP me!! No .
. .

Month Seven

Mommy, I am okay. I am in Jesus’s arms. he is holding me. He told me about
abortion. Why didn’t you want me Mommy?

Every Abortion Is Just . . .

One more heart that was stopped. Two more eyes that will never
see. Two more hands that will never touch. Two more legs that will never
run. One more mouth that will never speak.

Language Lesson…..What cuss words really mean…

A little lesson in teaching parents that children really are sponges that absorb anything and everything that you say….

the mom calls the husband a “bastard”

and then the dad calls the wife a “bitch”

and billy goes to his mom and says “mom what’s a bitch and a bastard?”

and the mom says “well, a bitch is a lady and a bastard is a gentlemen”

and then later billy goes outside and hears his neighbors, and hears “Put your penis in my vagina!”

So Billy goes to his mom and says “mom whats a penis and vagina?”

His moms says “Well Billy, a penis is a hat and a vagina is a coat”

and then later billy sees his dad shaving and cuts himself and says “Shit”

and billy said “Dad, whats shit”

And then his dad says
“Well billy, Shit is a type of Shaving cream “

and then billy goes to see his mom cutting the turkey and his mom cuts her finger and says “fuck!”

and then billy says to his mom “Mom whats fuck?”

“Well billy fuck is a way cutting the turkey”

and Then later the guests arrive and billy goes to them and says

“Hello bitches and bastards, may i take your penis’s and vaginas,
my dad’s upstairs wiping shit off his face, and my mom is in the kitchen fucking the Turkey”

SEX MATH

Your Age By Sex Math.

This is pretty neat.
Don’t cheat by scrolling down first.
It takes less than a minute.
Work this out as you read…..
Be sure you dont read the bottom until you have worked it out.
This is not one of those waste of time things, it is fun!!

1.) Pick the number of times a week that you would like to have sex. ( more than once, but less than 10)

2.) Multiply this number by 2 (just to be bold)

3.) Add 5

4.) Multiply by 50— I’ll wait while you get a calculator.

5.) If you have already had your birthday this year add 1756
if you haven’t add 1755

6.) Now subtract the 4 digit year that you were born.

You Should have a 3 digit number.

The first digit was you origional numer ( ie the number of times per week you wanted to have sex)

The next two numbers are….

YOUR AGE ( oh yes they are!!!!)

Every man should take this advice…

Tell her how you admire her.  When she’s upset, hold her tight.  Pick her over all other girls you hang out

with.  Play with her hair. Pick her up, tickle her, and wrestle with her. Just talk to her. Tell her jokes.  Bring

her flowers, just because. Hold her hand and run. Just hold her hand. Let her fall asleep in your arms. Tell her

she looks beautiful. Look into her eyes and smile. Kiss her on the forehead. Kiss her in the rain. If you want to be

with her…TELL HER.

My thoughts exactly…

“Who are you to judge the life I live?

I know I’m not perfect – and I don’t live to be.

But before you start pointing fingers..

Make sure your hands are clean.”

~Bob Marley~

Good quotes…

“You can’t hide from love for the rest of your life because you’re afraid it might not work out.” Good quote from a movie….Don’t know the name of it….Jack Nicholson and Diane Keaton star in it, it’s on TNT right now…

Wish everyone thought that way. “You can’t outsmart getting hurt.” Another quote, same movie….Wish this one wasn’t true, unfortunately though, it is….

Latex Gloves….

How Latex Gloves Are Made:

A dentist noticed that his next patient, an elderly lady, was looking very nervous so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his gloves…

“Do you know how they make these gloves?” he asked.

“No, I don’t” she replied.

“Well,” he spoofed, “there’s a building in China with a big tank of latex.  Workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their hands, let  them dry, then peel off the gloves and throw them into boxes of the right size.”  She didn’t crack a smile. “Oh well, I tried,” he thought.
But five minutes later, during a delicate portion of the dental procedure,she burst out laughing.  “What’s so funny?” he asked.

“I was just picturing how condoms are made!” she said.

Gotta watch those little old ladies! Their minds are always working!

POLICE WARNING!!!!

Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties and local pubs, to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman.

Many females use a date rape drug on the market called “Beer” to target unsuspecting men. The drug is generally found in liquid form and is now available almost anywhere. It comes in bottles, in cans, from taps, and
in large “kegs.”

Beer is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and have sex with them. Typically, a woman needs only to persuade a guy to consume a few units of Beer and then simply ask him home for no-strings-attached sex. Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several beers, men will often succumb to desires to perform sexual acts on horrific-looking women to whom they would never normally be attracted. After drinking Beer, men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that “something bad” occurred.

At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life savings, in a familiar scam known as “A Relationship.” It has been reported that in extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer-term form of servitude and punishment referred to as “Marriage.” Apparently, men are much more susceptible to this scam after Beer is administered and sex is offered by the predatory females.

Please inform every male you know about this warning. (And women with a sense of humor!) If you fall victim to this insidious Beer and the predatory women administering it, there are male support groups with venues in every town where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter in an open and frank manner with similarly affected, like-minded guys. For the support group nearest you, just look up “Golf Courses” in the yellow pages.