Here I am again wondering the night away….

So, tonight I am home alone, with just my three pets to keep me company. I am missing my man, really bad….So bad that if I had the money and no responsibilities tomorrow I would hop in my car right now and drive 5.5 hours just to see him…I really want to move….

I have once again been betrayed by someone that said they would never betray me. He didn’t mention my name, but he put me out in the public eye for everyone to examine…I am also dealing with a female in my Army unit that hates me and is trying everything in her power to jack me around and keep me from working, hence keeping me from making money. She has a personal vendetta against me. I don’t use the word hate and literally mean it very often, but right now I hate the two people I have mentioned in this paragraph.

If I was to move out of this state, I would be so much happier in the long run. I could just leave all of my problems behind, and only come back on the holidays to visit my family and close friends….That would be the only bad thing about me moving….I would be leaving my family, and my best friends…My friends all seem to think I’ll be moving within the year anyway, we’ll see I guess….

So, I looked at my Army contract the other day….I can get out of the military in March of 2009….I’ll probably get out. The only way I will stay in is if things in my personal life are in shambles….If I’m dating or more serious with someone by March 09, I will get out…I want to get married and start a family and not have to worry about being mobilized or deployed and having to leave my husband and children. The only way I would be able to get out before 2009 is if I got pregnant between now and then….Pregnant female soldiers have the option to Chapter out of the military. I would definitely Chapter out if I got pregnant…Only because I would not want to risk leaving my child. But, I want to be married before I get pregnant…

I just got off the phone with my man…I really miss him…I love hearing his voice….I wish I could feel his arms around me..his lips on mine…I just want to be with him..We’ve already made plans for me to go back and see him around the end of June….around my birthday…

My parents are going to be out of the country on my birthday….My brother will be working every night, so I will be alone if I stay home….So, rather than being alone on my birthday, I am going to take another road trip and go see my man. That’s a good enough birthday gift for me…just to get to see him.

I have known him for so long, since 7th grade in fact….I have always thought about him, secretly liked him, and now I am finally dating him…I could fall in love with this man….I could fall in love with him very quick, and stay in love with him for the rest of my life….He gets me, I get him….I’m twitter pated…I’m smitten…I’m so close to falling in love with him, if I’m not already…

Anyway, I guess I’ll stop gushing about love for now…but don’t worry I’ll be back real soon to gush about love some more…

Until next time ♥ Happy Blogging! ♥

post about a comment….

So, I guess more people read my blog than I knew about…..

I got a comment by “The Idiot” – that’s the name he left, not me, and yes, I know who you are. I don’t remember that night that you say we were at Waffle House, but if you say we were there, then I’m sure we were…You wouldn’t lie about it. I called you an idiot in the post you read because I was mad that you erased his number from my phone, and that was done without my knowledge or permission…

Anyway, as for apologizing for something you may have to do, I have no idea what you are talking about doing. I know who are talking about, but other than that, I have no idea. You say you occasionally read my blog to see how I’m doing….You can call me to see how I’m doing, you have my cell phone number. I’m not saying that to you so you’ll quit leaving me comments, I’m just letting you know…

I have moved on with my life since our relationship. If you have been reading my blog then I’m sure that you know I have made some questionable decisions, but I have also gotten past them, and I have learned from them too…I have changed a lot since you and I were together. I have made mistakes, but I have also made improvements…And I’m getting better at making less mistakes and more improvements, believe it or not.

I have recently been through a lot in my life, with my career, as well as with my personal life…I’m getting over all of the bullshit. If you do have to bring my name up in something that you are considering doing, I hope that you at least remember the promise that we made to each other. I have kept up my end of the promise, I would hope that you would do the same.

We haven’t spoken in a while, but I hope that you understand and believe that I don’t know what’s going on with the whole “blog-war” between you and other people. I have told everyone that asks me about it, including you that I don’t want anything to do with any of it. I don’t want to know anything. Being clueless about the whole thing is what I want. I just hope that you can respect that, and respect me like you said you would.

I sent an email to you at the email address you left when you left me your last comment. I was pissed when I sent it, I had just read your comment on another person’s blog and you put some personal shit about me out there for the whole internet world to read. I didn’t in the least bit appreciate that. I’m sure you know why. Anything I said out of anger, I regret saying. You of all people should know and understand what I’m talking about when I say I regret saying something out of anger.

Bottom line is this: I have kept up my end of the promise we made about respecting each other, I hope you do the same and leave me out of whatever it is you may or may not decide to do. I hope you understand and know what I’m talking about.

That’s all I have to say on this subject for now….

I got to kiss my first kiss again…

Ok, so if you read my last post, you know that I recently talked to the guy that was my first kiss…Well, we have been talking every day since then, and I even went to see him for a week…I just got back from his place yesterday afternoon….

A lot of people that don’t know both him and I asked me questions like why was I going all the way to another state to see him, what if he has changed since the last time I saw him, what if he turns out to be another on of those guys that always seems to find me and treat  me like shit….BUT none of those questions bothered me because none of those people know him like I know him.  The friends that I have that know both of us equally thought that me going to see him was an excellent idea, they did nothing but support me. 

So, I left for his place last Friday morning, and I left 8 days later, on Friday…I had an absolutely wonderful time.  He took me out to a movie, we went to play pool, and he took me to dinner.  He treated me with the utmost respect possible.  He made me laugh almost the whole time, I couldn’t stop smiling all week, he was just amazing!  I can’t wait to go back and see him again, and I can’t wait for him to come home and see me.  I just can’t wait to see him again.  We had awesome conversations about everything you can think of, and we are both on the same page about each other….

My last night there, I told him that I have always been a strong believer in the phrase about long distance relationships not working…I told him I really didn’t want that phrase to be true…I wanted “us” to work.  I know it will be harder making it work than if he lived in the same town as me, but I don’t think it’s impossible, especially since we both want it to work.  I’m ecstatic about it.  I want to go back, I’ve wanted to go back ever since I left…I really didn’t want to leave, but I had to work, so I had no choice…

He drew hearts on my window when I left, I didn’t see them until I started backing the car up to drive away, but when I saw them, I just melted….

You see, he has always been “That Guy” for me, and I have always been “That Girl” for him…we have always wanted to be together, but like I said in my last post, we haven’t ever been in the same place, but now we are…I’m loving every minute of it. 

If I didn’t have a military obligation here at home, I would have nothing keeping me from picking up and moving.  Of course, I’m not talking about moving right now, but I could move within the year if things work out between us…unfortunately though, I have a military obligation here at home at least for another year…

I miss him, I want to go back…I”m going to go back to see him when I get back from my Army stuff this summer…I just have to wait until then to see him again….the wait will suck, but it will also make it that much sweeter when I do get to see him again…

My head says slow down, but my heart is refusing that …I think my heart is going to win this battle….and it doesn’t bother me in the least!

Until next time~Happy Blogging!~

Tonight I talked to someone from my past…

So, last night I was IM-ing someone that I graduated high school with…He gave me a guy’s number that I used to date back in 7th or 8th grade…You know, when we were so young we called each other boyfriend/girlfriend and blushed while saying it…Well, this guy was my first kiss…So of course, every time I think about him, I think of my first kiss….

The last time I saw him was right after my divorce, two years ago…We went driving and talked for several hours about where lives were, what we had been doing and stuff like that….When I left him that night, we shared another kiss…Like I said, that was two years ago…

I dated a guy right after that who erased his phone number out of my phone…I didn’t know this, but tonight while I was talking to him, I found out that he had called me and that idiot I was dating at the time answered my phone and basically told him not to ever call me again…I felt horrible for not knowing that happened…

Anyway, I called my first kiss last night and left him a message..He text me back last night to let me know that he got my message and he was at work and would call me Saturday…I was starting to think that he wasn’t going to call, but he did at around 10:30, on his way to work.  We talked until he got to work and then he had to go but he said he will call me tomorrow.

It was so good just hearing his voice.  I smiled the whole time we were on the phone.  We talked about lots of different things, more than you’d think two people could talk about in such a short amount of time.  After we hung up, he text me about 15 minutes later or so…He said talking to me took him back to old times, I agreed with him..Then we both told each other that we would really like to see each other again.  I asked him if he thought that was really possible, he said he has to think about that question…probably to figure out how since he works all the time, and he lives in another state….I told him to remember that I can drive too, then apologized for being my goofy self…That was 30 minutes ago…

Ever since high school, I have wanted to get back together with him, but I was dating someone else, and he was dating someone else, and we were just never in the same place….That seems to be the story of my life…Never in the right place, that should have been my middle name.

I am having fun being single right now, but in all reality, I hate being single..I love to hang out with my girlfreinds and go out and party, but I also love having someone that I know is there for me when I need them, and I love being there for someone when they need me…I love the feeling of someone wanting me and needing me like I want and need them..Having someone to come home to at night so to speak…Know what I mean?  My friends are all wonderful, if they weren’t they wouldn’t be my friends…But they all either have children or husbands, so they aren’t exactly in the same place in life as I am…

I just wish I could find someone that wants the same things in life as I do…Every time I think I have found someone like that, they turn out to be psychotic, possessive, obsessed, or just plain old not ready…I hate it!  They all seem so nice when I start dating them, but then they turn on me like rabid dogs.  It’s pretty wierd how that always happens to me…I must be doing something wrong, but for the life of me I don’t know what it is….Therefore I can’t fix it.  I am friends with a guy that I used to date a few months ago, and fell for pretty damn hard, we talk all the time, but he’s not ready for what I’m ready for so we’re just staying friends…And then I have another guy that is in the same place in life as I am, wants the same things in life that I want, but he lives a whole state away~~~Why does life have to be so complicated?

I try to take people’s advice and not look, but it’s hard not to look when you know exactly what you’re looking for.  How do you just go through life not looking?  I don’t think I’ll ever know… Sometimes I think I’m just destined to be alone for the rest of my life, just me and my pets….Like the stereotypical single old lady with a bunch of cats…Sad huh?

Oh well, I have to get up early tomorrow morning, so I’ll make this it for now…Until next time~Happy Blogging!~

The Value of a Good Drink…

“Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink
I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think
about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes
and dreams .. If I didn’t drink this wine, they might be out
of work and their dreams would be shattered.
Then I say to myself, “It is better that I drink this wine and let their
dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.”
~ Jack Handy
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell
happened to your bra and panties
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they
wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re
going to feel all day. “
~ Frank Sinatra
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.”
~ Henny Youngman
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not.”
~ Stephen Wright
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing .
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk,
we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let’s all
get drunk and go to heaven!”
~ Brian O’Rourke
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.”
~ Benjamin Franklin
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a fool.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Without question, the greatest invention in the
history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the
wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does
not go nearly as well with pizza.”
~ Dave Barry
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To some it’s a six-pack, to me it’s a Support Group. Salvation in a can!
~ Dave Howell
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers.
One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm.
Here’s how it went:
“Well ya see, Norm, it’s like this… A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That’s why you always feel smarter after a few beers.”
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not

For some reason, I can’t get this poem out of my head…

My senior year of high school, I had to do a senior paper….Much like most of the high school seniors do in this country….My teacher gave us the choice of writing about an author or writing about a poet….I chose a poet simply because I thought it would be easier to write about a poet than an author….We drew names of poets/authors out of hats, and I drew Elizabeth Barrett Browning…I had no idea who she was other than the fact that she wrote the poem, ‘How Do I Love Thee, Let Me Count The Ways…” This has always been one of my favorite poems, and for some reason for the past few days, I cannot get it out of my head….

Poetry of Elizabeth Barrett Browning
Sonnets from the Portuguese
XLIII

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday’s
Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints,–I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life!–and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

So, what do ya’ll think?

My friend just had a baby!

OK, so I got a call yesterday from my friend’s husband….My friend had a baby girl yesterday morning at about 7:40 a.m. She is such a beautiful baby! But, because she isn’t my baby, I cannot put her name or her parent’s names on the internet…I do have a very cute picture of her though…She has little booties on her hands because the mittens the hospital put on her hands kept falling off because they were to big. Let me just say that my 2 friends did a very good job when they created this little bundle of joy! Here she is:

See, what did I tell you? Isn’t she precious!!! Hopefully one day I will find Mr. Right for Me, and we will be able to start a family and have a bundle of joy or two ourselves….I can only hope that will happen to me someday….Wishful thinking, maybe, but a girl can dream, right?

Until next time~Happy Blogging!~

Update on my pup…

Well, so far, my pup is doing good….He is a little depressed, but I think it’s just because he is so used to being able to run and play and jump. With his cast on, he can’t do any of those things….It’s almost too heavy for him to walk in. I feel so bad for him….Hopefully when his cast comes off he will go back to his usual perky self. I have to take him for more x-rays in another week….then the vet is planning on taking out the pin if his bones look god, then they will put a pin on the outside of his leg with 2 screws inside his leg holding the bones in place…

Hopefully when they do that, his cast won’t have to be a big, and he will at least be able to walk….as it is right now, I have to carry him outside, carry him to his food, and carry him to bed at night….It’s really sad…And when I’m not home or I leave him at my parents for them to babysit him, he gets even more depressed, almost like he thinks I’m not going to come back for him. I feel bad leaving him, but I have errands to run and places that I have to go, so there’s nothing I can do to help that….I always come back for him though, I could never leave my baby!

Oh, I wanted to show anyoen reading his a picture that I got in an email from a fellow soldier:

It’s hard to believe that this is a real ice/snow sculpture. I thought it was very nice, so I had to put it on here….

Anyway, I guess that’s all I have to say for now….I do want to say thank you to those of you who have been asking me how Kobe is doing. It means a lot to know that people care. So, Thank You, from me and Kobe.

Until next time, ~Happy Blogging!~

Terroristic Threatening…

So, I get yet another call form my psycho ex boyfriend….This time, his voicemail says that he is reading one of my MySpace bulletins and it says that I made out with someone on Saturday night.  He proceeds to tell me that I cheated on him, calls me a stupid f*cking b*itch, and tells me that if he ever sees me with another guy that no matter how big the guy I’m with is, his teeth will be knocked down his throat, and he’ll be eating his next meal out of a straw and that the same goes for me, and closes his message by calling me a stupid b*tch…..

I have been threatened before, but not like that, I have even been thrown around and hit by men, but for some reason, his threat scared me to death, because I think he is crazy enough to actually knock my teeth down my throat and cause me to eat out of a straw for the rest of my life….I literally shook and couldn’t stop shaking when I got his message….

So this morning I was once again woke up by him text messaging me at 7:00 a.m.  He apologized for the message he left me, and said that he was just upset because he thought I cheated on him….I replied by sending him this message:

“You terroristically threatened me last night, I still have the message.  Don’t call or txt me again.  You scared me pretty bad with your threat and I don’t want to have to go to the police, but if you threaten me anymore or call me anymore, I won’t have any other choice.  We cannot be friends, I don’t want to talk to you again on the phone or in txt, or in person.  Please just leave me alone from now on.”

He replied very quickly with just the word, “OK.”

I haven’t heard anything from him since then, and hopefully won’t again.  If he does try to contact me again though, I will not hesitate to go straight to the police with all of his messages and text messages.  If any of you readers out there have any advice for me about this, I would appreciate it.  I have all of these thoughts running through my head about him coming to my house, and if I’m not here, then what if he breaks in and hurts my pets, or if I am here, what if he breaks the door down and hurts me….I don’t know….I’m just paranoid about this kind of stuff…..I think I just need to get a shot gun from my parents house and that way if he does break in my house, I could just put some buck shot in his ass.

Anyway….on a lighter note, my friend is supposed to come over tonight and we are going to be lazy and talk and eat Chinese food, and just have fun together.  He & I always have fun when we’re together…He also happens to be the one guy I have never been able to get over…I don know if I’ll ever be able to get over him…He’s just perfect in every way, except for the fact that we aren’t together and probably never will be….or maybe we will be someday….Who knows?

Also, my best girl friend is coming over later tonight to spend the night with me.  She is dating this guy and isn’t to the point where she feels like she shoudl stay the night at his house, so she is going to go hang out with him until later, prob around 10 or 11, then she’s gonna call me and come to my house to sleep….

She has never been to my house, so I need to clean it up so she doesn’t think I’m a total slob….I’ll have to give her directions, hopefully she can find it….she’s not good with directions at all.  Oh well…..

Like I said before, if you have any advise for me, don’t hesitate to leave me a comment….Thanks!

Until next time~Happy Blogging!~

Why are people so stupid and nosey?

Ok, so I get yet another phone call from my ex-bf today, but this time he is threatening to have his sister come “visit” me.  In other words, he wants his sister to whip my ass.  All because someone read a bulletin that I put on myspace and called to tell him that I put his name on there.  Here is exactly what I put on the stupid ass bulletin:  “I didn’t dream last night because some dumbass text me at 3:30 in the morning.”  It was an answer to a survey question.  So, I hadn’t been answering his calls, but this message I had to reply to because someone lied about me.  I told him to have whoever told him that show him where I put his name on the internet.  Then I asked him why would a friend of his would automatically think that I was talking about him when the only word I used was “Dumbass” unless they thought he was a dumbass,  and that maybe he should ask his “friend” exactly that.

He told me that all he was trying to do was be nice to me, and I quickly told him that threatening to have someone come whip my ass is not being nice, and calling me cussing at me telling me that I’m a stupid bitch, and just another one of those  crazy fucking girls, was not being nice, but exactly the opposite.

He told me that if I ever needed him he would be there for me.  I said ok, but I WILL NOT EVER NEED HIM FOR ANYTHING!  We hung up, then I went to my stupid MySpace account and deleted the people that always told him everything I put on the stupid bulletins.  Geeze, why do I always pick such winners?  I mean, they always start out really nice and sweet to me, then for some unknown reason, they turn out to be abusive in one way or another, or they are totally possessive of me and obsessed with me.  He actually had the nerve to tell me that it was my fault for him calling me all the time!  Then asked if he could call me sometime to go out and have a beer or something.  How clueless can one person be?  Of course, I said no, that wasn’t ever going to be possible.

I have used plain simple english for him, so as to be sure there were no misunderstandings at all.  I have spoken to him so that if I had been speaking to a 4 year old they would understand.

HIM:  “Are you breaking up with me?”

ME: “Yes.”

Him:  “Will you talk to me?”

Me: “NO!”

Him:  “I just wish you would answer my calls or my texts, I just want to talk to you.”

Me:  “Stop calling and texting me, if I want to talk to you I HAVE YOUR NUMBER!”

What the hell else do I need to say to him to get him to understand that I want absolutely nothing to do with him?  Just short of going to the police and pressing charges, I am at a loss as to what I should do…..I have told him to stop calling me, I don’t want to talk to you, you are too possessive, you seem obsessed with me and I can’t handle being around you anymore.  What the hell else can I do?

GET THE F*CK*NG POINT!

What makes guys so crazy?  I know there are some females out there that are crazy like this too, but I don’t hang out with females, for exactly that reason, they like drama too much.  It’s not too often that you have a dude that won’t quit calling after they have been dumped and they can’t get the hint.  Every other time I have dated anyone and we have broken up on bad terms like this last relationship, the guy has had an “i just don’t give a shit about you” attitude.  Why can’t he be the same friggin way?  It’s not my fault he’s a psychotic retard that can’t leave me the hell alone for any amount of time.

A dog that has been talked to the way I have talked to him understands that they shouldn’t mess with someone anymore.  Surely he is smarter than a dog…..maybe not though, since he is still calling me and bugging the shit out of me.  I would get my number changed, but I have job applications out on the internet and if I change my number, then how will I ever get hired?

I guess if the calls don’t stop, I will just have no choice but to press charges for harassing communications on him.  I have done that to people before, but I haven’t ever known the person, it was just some guy that started calling my house and being vulgar to me.  I had no idea who he was, but he had a record over 70 pages long where he had harassed people before me.

Anyway, so I guess thats what I’ll do…If he keeps on calling and texting me, I’ll go to the police with it.  I shouldn’t have to change my number and change my life because he can’t take the fact that I broke up with him.