Home, stressed, sad, worried, you name it….

Well, I had a pretty good Thanksgiving holiday.  I went to see my bf, it was just the two of us for TG….I cooked my first ever TG dinner, and it was very delicious!  I cooked a turkey roast (since it was just the two of us, a bird would’ve been way too much food!), mashed potato’s, green bean casserole, and pumpkin pie…..oh, and I made awesome sweet tea! Both my bf and I stuffed ourselves! It was great!  Then, Friday, we went shopping and watched the HOGS stomp all over LSU! YAY!

So, I came home on Sunday, picked up my pets from the vet Monday, and now it’s Tuesday and I’m going back to the vet….My cat hasn’t been eating for the longest time, and I’m so worried about her….I have tried to get her to eat tuna, canned cat food, chicken broth, milk (warm and cold), and of course water…SHE REFUSES TO EAT!

Her body weight has dropped dramatically, her spine and hip bones are sticking out…(you can’t see them, but you can feel them)…She is only 5 years old, she’s always had a very healthy appetite….she’s always very active, but now she is just laying around, hiding from me, not looking around, not meowing, not doing anything…

Hopefully when I take her in today, the vet will be able to tell me something….Hopefully I can afford to pay for the treatment…otherwise, I will have to put my baby kitty down….I’m extremely worried about her, and I DO NOT want to put her down….

I stayed up crying about it all night last night…..I’ve said so many prayers about this….I’m worried sick….Hopefully in a few hours I will know something….

That’s all for now, I’ll give you an update when I know more….

I feel like my world may cave in…

OK, so I went out to eat with my family today.  We went to Olive Garden.  Anyway, we had a good supper.  My brother and I always make everyone laugh when we’re together, and tonight was no different.  My dad and I talked about Army stuff, my mom and I talked about medical stuff, my brother and I talked about personal stuff, and the four of us talked about lots of stuff!

At the close of the meal, my dad turns to me and says that my brother has told them he stopped smoking.  I replied by saying something like, “Good, why are you telling me that?” He asked if I had quit smoking yet, and I honestly replied no.  Then my mom turns to my dad and says, “Well, I’m going to tell them something, and I’m going to tell them because of her.”  (The “her” my mom is talking about is me, of course.) Then my dad decides that since we have paid for the meal, we should probably leave and head for the parking lot.  Of course, because my dad wants to get out of the restaurant, I immediately know that whatever my mom is about to say is something B-I-G…..So we walk outside.

Mom starts telling us about a medical test she had done, and how the doctors told her that because of the way the lining of her bladder looks, she could have cancer of the bladder, or bladder cancer.  She talks to me about it for some time….I listen, she has tears in her eyes…..I can’t stop staring at her and I can’t stop listening to her.  She told me that smoking causes this type of cancer, and because she has never been a smoker, and neither has my dad, I asked her how she would have gotten it if it’s caused by smoking.  She says the only way she can think of is that when she was a little girl, her daddy (my grandpa) smoked like a train before he finally quit….

She told me all of that, my head was spinning.  She kept saying that my smoking cigarettes won’t kill me now, it’ll kill me 20 years from now, and she won’t be around to help me.  I wanted to cry, but I couldn’t.  I was upset with her.  She has known about the fact that she may have cancer.  They biopsied her bladder a while ago, and she is waiting for the results.  She should have told me sooner.  I didn’t know what to do.

She has already survived breast cancer.  She is in remission now.  She has said to me many times that it would be nice to have grandchildren someday, and since I’m 26 years old and my brother is only 21, it’s pretty clear to me that she means it’s about time for me to have babies…..I don’t know if I can have babies because of my own health problems, now I am worried that if I am able to have children, I might not have them in time for her to meet them…..and if I’m able to have children now, if I keep smoking I may jeopardize that by continuing to live the way I live…..

I know I need to quit smoking.  I want to quit smoking….It’s just very hard.  I don’t want to be scared like I am now…..I feel like my world is crashing down on me.  If only my parents knew that my brother hasn’t really stopped smoking himself….then I wouldn’t be the alone in the scare…..

~Until next time, Happy Blogging!~

I’m sick and it sucks!

Hey blogland! Well, it’s Friday, 2 November 2007. I have been sick with a sinus infection for the past four days. I went to the doctor three days ago and got some antibiotics and cough syrup. I’m still coughing up a storm, and I sound like I swallowed a frog when I talk…..My whole body aches, and I have jarred all of my back and neck muscles from coughing so much.

Anyway, to top it all off, my least favorite aunt just came to visit today….so that just makes everything worse…..I have drill this weekend, I was supposed to go today, but since I have class until 1:00 p.m., I didn’t go, and I will make it up sometime….I will have to go tomorrow and Sunday though…..I hate going to drill every month. I just found out that we are taking another PT test this month. I think that sucks. I passed my PT test last month, we are only supposed to have one PT test every six months.

I mean, I can take the test again this month, and I can pass the test test again this month. But the difference in this month and last month is the fact that I have a damn sinus infection and am on heavy antibiotics, narcotic cough syrup, and can’t breathe without wheezing my head off. If I am made to work out this weekend in the cold ass weather with the freezing wind blowing and me having to breathe it into my already in bad shape lungs, I might just keel over.

I’m sick, I’m hurting, I’m depressed because I’m sick and hurting….I’m having an altogether bad effing day….

I just want to stay curled up an a blanket all day and drink hot tea until I feel better.

Until next time~~~Happy Blogging!~